My Body, My Shame, My Enlightenment

Through much deep work inside myself, I have left a very important piece for last. My body image and destructive self talk about my body, has always loomed over me and in my mind. I've been shamed most of my life about my weight. My brother and sister often teased me, “Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4 can't get through the bathroom door,” is the one I remember most. Looking back at my fifth grade class picture, I'm one of the heaviest in my class, and I felt it. Along about the eighth grade, I begin to slim down. Cheerleading helped. I was always busy and on the go. But still I was a fat little girl inside. I remember often walking through the halls at high school feeling like I took up too much space. (There is more on this in another writing project) I remember sitting on the railing of the steps and pressing my feet hard into the stones so that my thighs would not spread out if I relaxed. I look back at the pictures now and I think, I was so thin and fit then. After high school, I