Showing posts from May, 2021

My Body, My Shame, My Enlightenment

Through much deep work inside myself, I have left a very important piece for last.  My body image and destructive self talk about my body, has always loomed over me and in my mind. I've been shamed most of my life about my weight. My brother and sister often teased me, “Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4 can't get through the bathroom door,” is the one I remember most. Looking back at my fifth grade class picture, I'm one of the heaviest in my class, and I felt it. Along about the eighth grade, I begin to slim down. Cheerleading helped. I was always busy and on the go. But still I was a fat little girl inside. I remember often walking through the halls at high school feeling like I took up too much space. (There is more on this in another writing project)  I remember sitting on the railing of the steps and pressing my feet hard into the stones so that my thighs would not spread out if I relaxed. I look back at the pictures now and I think, I was so thin and fit then. After high school, I


I have written many times about fear and anger.   Witnessing the demise of our world, while trying to live a positive life is a constant struggle, so I understand why so many of our fellow humans are in a dark and fearful place.   From my point of view, I see the infamous “They” are after power and control, and have no desire to lead the world into peace, abundance, unity and love.  In order to hold power, “They” have created a mindset, a narrative, a story around scarcity, or my word, “scare”city.  When you ingrain scarcity into humans, it creates fear, survival mode and selfishness.  Scarcity divides people into the haves and have nots, the worthy and unworthy and the selfish and selfless.  People become scared that they will not have the essentials needed in life and become very much about their needs and only their needs, trampling others to get what they desire. It started with Covid.  Because of the fear of the virus, people hoarded toilet paper, paper towels, hand sanitizer an