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Showing posts from 2021

My Body, My Shame, My Enlightenment

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Through much deep work inside myself, I have left a very important piece for last.  My body image and destructive self talk about my body, has always loomed over me and in my mind. I've been shamed most of my life about my weight. My brother and sister often teased me, “Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4 can't get through the bathroom door,” is the one I remember most. Looking back at my fifth grade class picture, I'm one of the heaviest in my class, and I felt it. Along about the eighth grade, I begin to slim down. Cheerleading helped. I was always busy and on the go. But still I was a fat little girl inside. I remember often walking through the halls at high school feeling like I took up too much space. (There is more on this in another writing project)  I remember sitting on the railing of the steps and pressing my feet hard into the stones so that my thighs would not spread out if I relaxed. I look back at the pictures now and I think, I was so thin and fit then. After high school, I

"Scare"city

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I have written many times about fear and anger.   Witnessing the demise of our world, while trying to live a positive life is a constant struggle, so I understand why so many of our fellow humans are in a dark and fearful place.   From my point of view, I see the infamous “They” are after power and control, and have no desire to lead the world into peace, abundance, unity and love.  In order to hold power, “They” have created a mindset, a narrative, a story around scarcity, or my word, “scare”city.  When you ingrain scarcity into humans, it creates fear, survival mode and selfishness.  Scarcity divides people into the haves and have nots, the worthy and unworthy and the selfish and selfless.  People become scared that they will not have the essentials needed in life and become very much about their needs and only their needs, trampling others to get what they desire. It started with Covid.  Because of the fear of the virus, people hoarded toilet paper, paper towels, hand sanitizer an

Self Less

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  “Too much Selfless leaves you, well, Self Less…. Less Yourself…” I said this to a friend recently.  We have been chatting and trying to figure out this Mid Life thing.  Both of us, with three kids and a husband, searching for where we might have lost ourselves along this path of life.  Constantly making sure everyone is taken care of, the house clean, the laundry done, kids at every activity and being cheerleaders for everyone, we forgot to cheer for ourselves.  Now that our kids are almost grown, we are struggling as the identity we thought defined us, is walking out the door to make their own lives.   We are longing for that wild that has been suppressed, folded and put neatly in the closet, for that “just in case” time.  But now that wild feels molded, tarnished and out of date.  Have we grown too old to live fully once again?  Have we squashed our passions for responsibilities?   (Oh, please know, that each of our precious children are beyond anything that we could have ever

Women...

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  Women… As women, are we all sisters, together Or are we White sisters, Black Sisters, Hispanic Sister, etc? Divided by our culture? Are we women working together to lift each other up, support each other, love, believe in, listen to each other? Or are we divided by our beliefs, color, finances, even hair color? Are we sisters striving to be our best selves, reaching down and pulling the next woman up? Or are we competing, trampling on another to be above, more in the spot light and collecting more followers? Are we friends and sisters through the good, the bad, the ugly cries and beautiful celebrations?  Or do we crush each other for the next hot, rich man that comes along? Do we help each other believe in ourselves, our power and incredible, unique abilities? Or do we believe only one can be the best and it can only be YOU? Are you a sister in solidarity to shine and allow others to join you in shining, burning brighter with every hand joined, knowing we are truly in

Overwhelmed by Fear? Lead with Love

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During a rough time in my life, I was seeking guidance on forgiveness, letting go and healing.  Upon a recommendation, I read the book, Love is Letting Go of Fear , written by Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD. Within this book is such great wisdom and awareness.  This book talks of only two emotions, love and fear.  Even though there is a plethora of emotions in the human condition, it really does all boil down to love and fear.   Maybe sit with that a minute before reading further. Thinking of how life plays out, and emotions run high.  Can you ultimately define them in either a state of love of fear? I feel that we are witnessing the manifestation of fear in our society today. So much of what we see , hear and talk about is fear based.  We are scared of what others might do to us.  We are scared of what others think of us. We are scared of who is in the White House.  We fear the police.  We fear losing our income or job. There is fear of viruses. There is always fear of death or death of love

Let Go of FEAR

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Let me preface what you are about to read... My first few statements will most likely ignite defensiveness, emotion and a bubbling up in your chest, throat and mind, but please read to the end. Please read to the end, with an open mind and open heart.  Then sit with this for a minute or so before you comment.  Please comment from a place of love and hope. Read on... Let me say this...   At least this group of people, who were on the lawn and/or entered the Capitol on January 6, 2021, took their concerns to the very source of their complaints and discord.  They did not take their strong emotions out on their local, already struggling small businesses and communities, wreaking havoc on the very livelihoods that serve their communities.   This past year has been hard on everyone.   But 2020 has been all about instilling fear in our world.   There are only two true emotions that we experience as humans, those are Love and Fear.  When people are fearful, they are easily controlled and man